Tuesday, August 07, 2007
mi slping in don noe whose's home haha
mi in takewando headgear after student plaza performance 
ok i really don noe how to start to blog becuz recently i m really confuse over wat i m tinking...studies?love?training?family?which come first?for now i really need to destress myself maybe is tat my studies is affecting mi hence i tink tat i need to take a break from everyting else...i don wish to have a D in my portfolio...but wat is impt and things lay in between i m not so sure...jus tat i even don noe wat country i m in now...i wanna have a understanding person to stand by mi all day and night jus to listen to mi and stay by mi...i wanna hug some1 whom i can trust and feel warmth in their heart so that it will be mi and jus mi and some1 whom i really trust...
it have being so long tat i din really fall in love and i don even noe wat is the feeling of love...m i tat desperate for love?m i really tat pathetic for some 1 to love mi?i tink i will remain a monk if i really can't find a girl who love mi n whom i love...i really wanna have ppl to care for mi and tink of wat i feel and is there any1 who can?ya a phone jus away from who im comfortable wif but is tbis mi when i kip tinking of myself...i don wanna be selfish cuz it not my own personal behaviour...those who noe mi definately noe wat kind of character i m and definately i find ppl to confide in and ya for sure i tok most of the things to tiffany cuz i tink tat she is very close to mi already like 10 m away from mi like that...i jus don noe wat to tink of myself...u noe tat a feeling is hard to hide and definately u need to voice it out sooner or later n now jus move on and get away the past...there is a brighter future ahead of u and u need to get things done easily and over wif...
the following link will show u how i injured my nose and got some abrasion from the injury...the stage is damn fucking hard and it is the first time ever i injured while doing gymmastic...it continue on as i manage to get on my feet eventhough every1 is stun and stand wif their eyes wide open and i jus feel tat i din do well now...i feel tat i let the team down from a perfect pic becoming a shocking video from the start of the video...although the performance still worked out ok but becuz of my fall it turn out to be a bad image to the team...i jus feel tat i m deproving and i can't improve anymore...i m stuck at my own pace and i m losing out to others...a sports tat need teamwork among each other and i tink tat wif my appearance it will spoilt the video of the whole thing and i m really not tat good for the video...after national i had been performing badly and i don noe y...i tink i m born to be unlucky and i really tink tat injuries might not be a burden to mi and my future but now tat i don feel the bond within the team...i really don noe wat i m tinking...every1 is going their way and there is none other ppl for mi to confide in...ppl are not trustable for their own actions and they don even tink of other ppl before themselves...ya...so wat if i appear in this funny face and laughing always but deep down inside i m so unhappy and don feel tat ppl trust each other...although this is wat i tink but i tink tat i really isolating myself from others as i feel tat the bond is really not tat strong and there is no other ppl to ask mi to go for all the things parties...now i wrote it down ppl will definately ask mi for other events but is this sincerity?ya now i say wat i wan but is this really wat u all do as a friend for confident?so wat if u all really have a thrash out session?there is no point for it as u all noe wat deep down inside the problem is but u all don wanna face the problems...tat is the cause of failure...facing the reality is a thing and judging on other ppl's problems is not a thing...pls guys...think of ownself de problems before u all judge other....yayaya i noe tat after the performance u all seem to care for mi...but caring is jus temporary...if i din injured will u all care?i don need ppl to care as i tink that ppl are hyprocrite for now but i need to change my own tinking of cuz as i m a hyprocrite myself too...i have no right to say others eventhough all are close to mi but not as close cuz i nv tell my personal things wif all of u all and honestly i nv had tell my personal problems wif u all...but only a girl whom i m talking wif on the phone understand mi well enough for u all...but i tink tat ya i noe u all try to understand mi and wanna being buddy wif mi but only some1 who can be buddy wif mi...whom i tink lenny is though he noe wat i feel but sorry i don tink tat i will share my problems wif u and i won't tell other ppl wat i feel n i will definately tell u all tat i m ok eventhough i m not wif aids of suffering pyschologically....but i m used to it...my tinking i don noe is it childish or mature but i tink of others before myself cuz tat is my motto...ppl are happy when they see mi i will be there and ppl wanna hear mi speak out loud wif jokes i will be there to talk but if u all wanna mi tell out wat i feel i will not for sure...eventhough i see the problems n u all wanna blame mi for the some reasons i jus will nod my head and admit is my fault...tat is mi and my own character...no 1 can change for whom i m and i m very happy to be my ownself...
as for tiffy,i really don wish to hear u cry again..pls take care of ur own self and i m very worry for u and don take death as a joke to be spoken around ur lips....i really don wish u to die as u r my pillar of support when i speak u are my listener...though u always wanna noe my problems too but i also tell u bout it and i really wish tat u can zheng zhou qi lia...i will be there for u always de and when u call mi i will definately tok to u...when u cry i m there to listen to u cry and when u need some1 to confide to i will tok to u and tell u lame jokes to entertain u...jus don be so emo everyday can cuz no 1 wanna c u in tat state...promise mi tat u will not be bothered by it again k?take good care and when u r doing operation tat time pls tell mi n i will too await for the result of it...
Updated@8/07/2007 06:11:00 PM
